Comments on: Weddings, Estrangement and Hard Love

By: lifeunrefined

lifeunrefined — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 20:32:11 +0000

Thank you Linda! Your boys are lucky to have you. I hope if I’m ever a mother I can give my children the same freedom and support.

By: Linda Manns Linneman

Linda Manns Linneman — Thu, 09 Jul 2015 00:21:44 +0000

I don’t think there is anything wrong withyou. As a mother of grown children I have talked to my boys about things but I always let them know the ultimate decision is theirs. I always stand by no matter what they choose. Sometimes they have to suffer the consequences of their decisions but that is how we learn and grown. Be yourself. Be kind to your mom. If she chooses to ignore you it really is her problem and her loss. God Bless you and your family

By: Anna

Anna — Fri, 22 May 2015 17:29:48 +0000

I stumbled upon your blog because of our mutual friend J and I just read your post from April and it really resonated with me because I am going through similar mother wounds even to this day, even after years of therapy and lots of prayer. Nothing is wrong with you but as daughters we can’t help but think that. We are all broken and fallible people and your mother’s response (or lack of) really has to do with her own childhood wounding/attachment issues but it still hurts when we are at the other end. My sister (who has a healthier relationship with my mom..maybe it’s the younger sibling thing) has even called me the “black sheep of the family”, so even she does not quite understand the dynamics between myself and my mom. Your reply to Sarah, about friends and support is true. Even with what I am going through now in my personal life. Some friends just can’t handle emotional trauma and I have come to accept that and receive the blessings from the friends who do come alongside me in support and prayer. I have been reading Staci Eldredge’s “Captivating” and “Becoming Myself” and it has really helped me on my journey of healing and trying to truly understand with my heart & soul, that I am God’s beloved. Blessings!!

By: Anna | SheisJoyful

Anna | SheisJoyful — Thu, 14 May 2015 14:12:13 +0000

You are so brave. I’m sorry that you had to experience that. But I think you made the right choice, and it isn’t your fault that your mother feels that way!

By: lifeunrefined

lifeunrefined — Tue, 12 May 2015 15:54:46 +0000

Hi Sarah,
Well first, your best friend is lucky to have you. Just by your comment I can tell how much you care. The advice I have perhaps sounds like a simple one…but just continue being her friend. I don’t know how your friend is processing all this, but for me it was similar to grief. Sometimes I just needed to vent, and for someone to listen. Sometimes I just wanted to cry, and needed a friend to hold me. And believe it or not, I discovered a lot of close friends who just weren’t up to the long-term task. I don’t blame them. But you learn who your true friends are, and I’m grateful for the ones who did stand by me. It also helped a lot to get a text from some friends on Mother’s Day just saying something like, “I know today might be a rough day for you…just letting you know I’m here.”

As a Christian, I can tell you what DIDN’T help me is when other Christians respond to my situation by spouting off bible verses. Especially the go-to generic ones. If you read something and think of a friend, that’s one thing. But if I’ve just shared my heart and the response is “I’m sorry. Hey, you should read Ecclesiastes 3,” then I’ll feel like that person just doesn’t get it at all and I won’t be vulnerable to them again.

I hope that helps, Sarah. You can always email me at lifeunrefinedblog at gmail as well.

By: Sarah Jenik

Sarah Jenik — Fri, 08 May 2015 17:28:48 +0000

My stomach knotted up as I read this. My best friend went through a very similar situation as you did just about two years ago. Though her mother did show up to her wedding, she sat in the back pew drinking out of a flask. My friend’s relationship is still very much stressful and on the rocks with her mother and I’m not sure she realizes that she may need some sort of counseling to help her get in a better spot. As a friend who is blessed to have a good relationship with my mom, somehow I don’t know how to best support her… do you have any ideas? Things that would have been helpful to you during your journey?

By: Jasmine Hwang

Jasmine Hwang — Tue, 28 Apr 2015 02:34:33 +0000

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your story here on the blog! It's so brave of you to open up and tell us that. I'm so sorry for all the pain you've gone through. I struggle with having a relationship with my parents too. I really do hope it doesn't end with estrangement, but I have a fear that it will because I'm just so tired of wanting to please them but end up rather just disappointing them even more. At the end of the day, we don't live for them. We live for us. It's tough I know. be the plebeian

By: Tailored and true

Tailored and true — Mon, 27 Apr 2015 13:38:31 +0000

Jen you are so brave to share this story. From the sounds of it, you have gone far and above what should ever be expected of someone. You’re allowed to feel sad and scared, but don’t let these emotions make you second guess your convictions. You are so strong!

By: Vintage Alley Blog

Vintage Alley Blog — Sun, 26 Apr 2015 22:21:07 +0000

Wow, this hits very close to home for me. I hope she shows up for your sister’s ceremony and that you two are eventually able to reconnect so you can heal those wounds. Also, I agree with Caitlyn who said sometimes you can try as hard as you can and things still wont work out. Just do your best and leave the rest in God’s hands

By: Sarah Bristow

Sarah Bristow — Sun, 26 Apr 2015 20:24:16 +0000

Reading this brought tears to my eyes, what an emotional piece of writing. Yes Liz is right, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you at all. I cannot imagine what you are going through on anticipating the wedding but I wish you lots of inner strength and to know that I am thinking of you.

Sarah xxx