Christmas came early for my husband this year, in the form of his first Stitch Fix box. This guy dislikes shopping so much that I can only drag him to the mall if he finds a Pokemon worth catching. He buys maybe a few new pieces a year, so I thought having his own personal stylist *wink* would be a positive experience for him.

One of the ongoing challenges for Mr. Wonderful is that long-sleeve shirts are usually too long for him in both the sleeves and the overall length. At 5’8″ he has a shorter torso and it can be frustrating that brands such as Banana Republic don’t better cater to his proportion. Two of the shirts from Stitch Fix clearly show this issue:

It was no surprise, then, that he loved the next shirt he tried on. For once, a shirt fit him just right!

His absolute favorite though, was this Pieter dobby shirt by Scotch & Soda. He loved the soft feel and the unique print, though not the price ($125). It fit very nicely along the torso, although the shirt and sleeves were once again on the long side.

For reference, I thought I’d compare the sleeve lengths of three of the shirts. Definitely a significant difference between the chambray and the dobby!

This pullover fleece by Tavik was a keeper. Mr. Wonderful kept commenting on how soft it was, and ended up keeping it on (and wore it again the next day).

We ended up purchasing three of the five pieces, which is actually more than I expected given Mr. Wonderful’s pickiness. If you’re interested, sign up through this referral link to get your first $20 styling fee waived! Works for both men and women. Doesn’t hurt to take a risk when it’s free, right?

Have you tried Stitch Fix? What do you think of the service?

But let me back up. I am not a runner. I had a labral tear in my right hip over five years ago, and after surgery I was told I should stay away from running if I wanted to prevent another visit to the operating room.

Despite following these instructions, I’ve had one foot issue after another, some of which I shared in this old post. I’ve gone through a dozen sneakers in the last year and a half, in an attempt to find something I could comfortably walk in. Sneakerhead I am not, though I’ve learned so much about sneaker technology that sometimes I wonder if I should make a new career out of it.

Over the summer, I was checking out the latest inventory at a local sports store when the sales associate recommended these New Balance Fresh Foam Vongo V2. It is not an overstatement to say these have been the best shoes for my feet and a mini miracle in my life. On good days, they allow me to walk a couple of miles around the city. In comparison, I can barely walk one block in flats nowadays.

Nearly six months later, I still have not found another pair of sneakers better than these. Now granted everybody’s foot, walking gait, and physical needs are different (for example, I tend to overpronate, have weak ankles, and need stability shoes), but if you’re in the market for new running shoes, these are worth checking out. I’m also glad they come in non-neon colors as well.

Someone recently asked me what I was thankful for. I responded, “Family, friends, good food, and these sneakers!”

Do you have a pair of sneakers you love?

Athleta Vortex Jacket, Carbon38 Takara Leggings, New Balance Fresh Foam Vongo V.2

One of the best parts about being a stylist is constantly discovering new designers I would have overlooked otherwise. Yumi Kim has been around for over a decade, but it was only recently that I noticed her line of moody floral dresses that are just perfect for fall. Plus she offers sizes in XXS, which is rare for a designer brand! I ended up ordering this dress recently, which I wore on a recent trip to New York City. I had long been looking for a sleeved maxi dress that also had a higher neckline (is it just me, or are plunging necklines everywhere this season?), but its sheer sleeves and skirt bottom balanced the conservative look accordingly. I was surprised at how well this dress fit my short torso, though I did have to get the length hemmed by several inches.

If you’re someone who appreciates modest yet fashionable options in your wardrobe, exploring collections from a reputable modest dress company could be a delightful revelation. These companies often specialize in designs that prioritize elegance and coverage without compromising on style. Picture finding the perfect sleeved maxi dress with a higher neckline, catering to those seeking a more conservative look. A modest dress company might just be the go-to for discovering such gems, ensuring a wardrobe that aligns with your style preferences. The attention to detail in design and sizing considerations, like those offered by Yumi Kim in XXS, exemplifies the commitment of certain designers to cater to a diverse range of tastes and body types, making fashion an inclusive and enjoyable experience for all.

Just about every woman wears florals in the spring, but the darker colors of the dress make it a print that can be worn year-round. Wear it with heels for a special event or casually with a denim jacket. Currently, my go-to style pairing is with a black leather jacket.

I also thought I’d share a few of my favorite new spots in New York, in case you’re planning a trip in the coming months:

Gabriel Kreuther

If you’re wanting to dine at a high-end, Michelin star restaurant but don’t want to pay the exorbitant prices, GK is a great spot for lunch. The $68, two-course lunch menu may still feel steep, but they don’t charge a supplement for the foie gras appetizer, which arrives in a generous portion. My friend’s squab entree was my personal favorite, though I did enjoy my pork dish as well. The Ambrosial dessert is worth the extra $19 if you want to end on a sweet note.

Dead Rabbit Grocery and Grog

A confusing name, but all you need to know is this – it’s been voted the world’s best bar. I’ll confess I don’t know much about cocktails despite the fact I took classes and technically have a bartending certificate (whatever that means, right?), but the foodie friend I went with gave her approval for its claim. All I know is the drink I had was very, very good and I loved its chill environment. And seeing that people are willing to wait for a seat at its upstairs Parlor room, I’m not alone in saying it’s worth checking out, grabbing a drink and having a few oysters. The menu is a comic book, need I say more?

Lilia Restaurant and Cafe

Maybe I’m getting old, but I’m starting to prefer the vibe of Brooklyn over Manhattan. In fact, the crowd favorite on this trip was Lilia, an Italian restaurant that is located in what was formerly an auto-body shop. You would never have known it otherwise, with its wall-to-wall glass windows and modern interior. Their most recent menu listed grilled blowfish tails which was beautifully moist and flavorful. I also recommend the Bagna Cauda plate and pasta dishes.

Yumi Kim dress (same print as a top), New Balance Fresh Foam Gobi

I haven’t shopped much for myself lately, but while I was perusing Zara’s online sale for Little V, I thought I’d give this red dress a try. I am not usually a maxi dress person, but now that I’m confined to wearing sneakers I appreciate the ability of the longer hem to cover up my active shoes. In a way, maxi dresses allow me to preserve part of my femininity when my usual uniform is denim or work out clothes.

Mr. Wonderful recently had the day off, so we decided to savor the day by going up north to wine country while Little V was in daycare (does this make us bad parents?). It was hot! It’s amazing how a one hour drive can have a 20 degree weather difference. I was surprised at how the flowy nature and light fabric of this dress kept me relatively cool despite its long length.

We only had a few hours before it was time to be responsible people again (ha!), and I thought I’d share some of our new Sonoma favorites:

Breakfast/Brunch-

The Naked Pig. Located in Santa Rosa, this tiny restaurant is actually located on the parking lot of an old car repair shop. There are only a few tables inside and a few tables outside (literally on the parking lot), so even on a weekday morning the wait was about 30 minutes. The food was absolutely delicious though, especially the bacon waffle and homemade biscuits. Who doesn’t love carbs?!

Wine Tasting –

Ridge Winery. We couldn’t pass up a stop at our favorite winery in Sonoma. Their Zinfandels never fail to satisfy and pair well with so many everyday meals.

De La Montanya. This was a winery recommended by some friends and the people that run it were absolutely warm and friendly. We picked up a delicious Syrah and Primitivo on this trip. Make a reservation on the weekends and pack a picnic lunch to enjoy in their pretty little garden. They also have a bocce ball court!

Have a wonderful week!

Zara dress (similar), Clare Vivier bucket bag (similar)

It actually hit the 80s this week! For those of us living in San Francisco, it means it’s time to hit the beach. There are only a few weeks in the year (sometimes none) when we get to pull out shorts, so I relish every opportunity to do so. As I’ve gotten older (or old), I’ve started appreciating longer hem shorts, as your legs don’t burn in the hot leather of the car and it works well with longer tops like this one.

I rarely make purchases at Anthropologie anymore, especially after I got banned from their online site, but every so often I do stop in when I’m at the mall. This modern floral number called me from the sales rack recently, and after trying on both the 0P and 0R (with no noticeable difference except for the hem), I decided to go for the longer length. Being 5’2” has its disadvantages, as petite sizes sometimes run too short, with the regular sizes still being too long. The armholes were rather big, but unfortunately 00 was not an option at that location.

In other news, I’ve been lamenting the suffering of brick and mortar stores recently. Retail stores are closing at a record rate, with predictions that the number will surpass that of 2008. It’s got me thinking – if I got punished by Anthropologie for returning half of my online purchases (which I still don’t think is unreasonable, considering how you can’t feel the fabric beforehand and colors can vary on the computer screen), will other retailers become more relaxed in their return policies as they focus strictly on e-commerce? Only time will tell.

HD in Paris Lucille blouse, LOFT bermuda shorts (similar)

What do you think of the closure of retail stores? Do you strictly shop online anyway?

As I looked through the photo spread and studied the girls’ clothing (mentally listing the ones I wanted to buy for Little V), I suddenly noticed part of a little Asian girl’s face on the bottom right side of page 182. Oh that’s nice they’re being inclusive, I thought, until I looked for her in other photos of the spread. In one photo (page 181) you could see the girl’s right eyebrow and forehead. In another you see her right cheek (page 182). Yet another had part of her back, hair, and legs (page 183). Except for the first shot I noticed, she was practically invisible. If you had photoshopped a blank space over her in all those pictures, it would hardly make a difference. Her presence didn’t matter.

What happened next took me by surprise. I felt outraged. I felt hurt. I felt shamed. I was in disbelief. It was a magazine photo shoot, but it felt personal. While it may have been unintentional on the photographer’s part, these pictures perpetuated the stereotype I had often felt growing up – be quiet, stay in the back, don’t let anyone notice you. While all the other girls had at least one shot where they were clearly front and center, this little Asian girl was always in the back, or not in the picture at all.

Why? And who is responsible? Should it be the photographer’s responsibility to be more inclusive? Should he have coaxed the little girl into letting her shine? Should it have been the editorial staff to make sure there was at least one photo where she was fully represented? Even if you make the argument that this little girl was shy, then shouldn’t they have made a better effort in finding a more rambunctious Asian girl model?

Because not all Asians are meek and reserved. Not all of us stand in the background, content with whatever is given to us.

I resented it then, but appreciate now how my Dad used to push me in the front whenever we were in a large group of any kind, whether it be a museum or visiting some tourist site in a foreign country. “Ask questions,” he insisted, “get their attention.” I retorted that he should ask the questions himself, not understanding he could see into my future. That if I didn’t speak up, I would disappear and nobody would notice. We are a race that has quietly excelled in many areas, but when it comes to media and the public spotlight, we are underrepresented. The first and last time an “Asian” was nominated for Best Actress was in 1935. And Merle Oberon clearly looked more white than Indian.

And yet, while we can (and should) hold photographers and national magazines responsible for their ignorance, I realize that I, too, am also partly to blame. I think back to the many times I was mocked and humiliated as a kid and an adult, and how I just stood there, saying nothing. How can I let my own daughter know that she deserves just as much “face time” as any other girl regardless of race or ethnicity, that she is just as beautiful and worthy, if I don’t start by standing up for myself?

We have a voice. Let’s use it.

In the end, adversity finds us all.

For the past five years, I’ve struggled through various physical, debilitating pains – first a hip surgery that left me unable to run, then a permanent toe fracture, and now a neuroma/plantar fasciitis/metatarsalgia (depending on which of the five (six?) doctors I’ve seen in the last year you ask).

To suffer through any type of pain is a test of endurance, whether it’s the physical kind or the wrenching heartbreak you experience through a broken relationship or death. Sometimes it’s the repeated hope and disappointment of fertility tests or surgeries that fail and fail again. Sometimes they’re all intertwined. Sometimes we plead with God to take it away. Sometimes we don’t see the point of living any more.

Sometimes we tell ourselves that we’re above the pain, that we’ve moved on and it can’t touch us. I find this works on most days when it happens to be a busy time at work or when Little V is yelling for attention. But when it’s calm, an unsettling feeling starts inside of me..

What if there’s no meaning to any of this?

Meaning justifies our pain. If life was merely about living, suffering, and dying, then I think the joke is on us.

But how do we find meaning, especially if we’re going through something difficult in the present? When I had my hip issues, I found myself talking about arthritis with people more than twice my age. It was both funny and not. Did my pain happen so that I could empathize with the elderly? Was God teaching me to be grateful with what I had and have? Just what was the point? I wanted answers, and I wanted them as quickly as possible. Preferably now.

The problem is that I am frequently unable to look past the present. When I limp around the house, feeling sorry for myself that even walking to the bathroom is a chore, and that no one my age has to deal with this on a daily basis (likely untrue), I end up depressed and angry. I isolate myself from the people I love, and what started purely as a physical challenge is now combined with a mental battle.

Maybe meaning eventually cumulates over time. When Mr. Wonderful and I went through a marriage crisis, it was a terrible period of anguish and trial. We wouldn’t want anyone to ever go through the same. And yet it has profoundly connected us with people who may otherwise have remained only acquaintances. In a strange, twisted way, adversity binds us together. It creates community. It is through common pain and suffering that deep relationships can happen. Perhaps it is a way to let love, even more love than was there before, to grow and flourish.

I nabbed a few sweaters during this year’s impressive Black Friday sales, and thought I’d share them with you:

Vince Camuto Cold Shoulder Sweater, XXS Petite

If you haven’t noticed, cold shoulder pieces have been extremely popular this year, but it can be hard to shop for the right one. Fitted clothing usually looks better on me, and many cold shoulder numbers tend to be flowy and loose, which make me feel frumpy. Even with a slight discount this particular sweater was more than I wanted to spend, but it fit so well that I decided to end the search. I also love the pink hue, which isn’t obnoxiously bright and is a nice alternative to red.

J.Crew Cable Pom-Pom Sweater, XXS

If you do like red and all things classic, you can’t go wrong with this J.Crew sweater. I saw an older lady at my church wear this exact one with a plaid shirt underneath, and she looked festive while put-together. Plus the pom pom detail gives it a playful touch, which I love. It does have a small percentage of wool, so I’ll admit it’s the slightest bit itchy, but I’ll live (you can also try layering a thin knit underneath). Note that this sweater does not come in petite sizing, so I was surprised that it fit so well on my 5’2” frame. If you’re much taller than me, it will probably have a more cropped look.

And lastly…the ugly holiday sweater!

 Forever 21 Holiday Snowman Sweatshirt, S

I finally got invited to an ugly sweater party this year, and I couldn’t be more excited. For years I have wanted to be invited to one, so one of my friends is making my wish come true. Ok, maybe this sweater is more cute than ugly, but cutesy is not a style I usually go for. The snowman makes me feel like I’m ten years old. And you know what? That’s the spirit of the holidays. Plus it’s a built in toy for Little V, who likes to pull at the pom pom hat, poke at the sequins, and rub her cheek on the snowman’s belly. It’s great.

What’s your go-to outfit for casual holiday parties?

There are obvious people in my life I’m thankful for – Mr. Wonderful, for one. Little V. My sister. The friends who have stuck by me through the good and the bad. And then there’s the elderly man who collects my ticket at the parking garage of my chiropractor’s office.

Being a ticket collector must be one of the most mundane jobs I can think of. Even filing books at a library seems more interesting (which I did for many years as a teen). I’d take a job at McDonald’s over sitting in a booth of a dark garage by myself, staring into space until the next person who wishes to exit the premises comes along. And yet whenever I see this man, he says, “Hi! How are you?” with a huge smile on his face, and then says, “Have a nice day!” as if he really means it. His good spirits are contagious, and no matter what kind of mood I was in that morning, I always leave my weekly chiropractor’s appointment feeling better in more ways than one.

Though I don’t even know the name of this man, his simple actions remind me that regardless of how insignificant your actions may seem, it can make a difference in someone else’s day.

Wishing you and your loved ones a happy thanksgiving!

Who have you been thankful for this year?

Some readers have asked where I’ve been, and when I would start writing again. Little V is already 7 months old–where has the time gone?

It all started with a foot injury in late June. An innocent pair of new, flat sandals did me in this time (two years ago it was a pair of too-tall heels). My podiatrist gave a little laugh at my vanity, but assured me it would be better in two weeks. Fast forward three months later, and the pain from my foot has spread to my heel, ankle, and entire lower left leg. Add on the classic aches and pains of motherhood–back problems and tendonitis–and I was forced to slow down. Way down.

Around that time, I came across this old but still relevant New York Times article called “The Joy of Quiet.” I began to ask myself why I even had an Instagram account. Once upon a time I used to care about winning followers, but sitting on my phone for hours, pretending to like strangers’ photos so that there was a chance they would like mine, just seemed completely pointless. But that’s what many bloggers did, so it seemed necessary to play the game.

And yet…how could I have spent all that time differently? Thinking about the hundreds of hours I have probably spent on social media makes me a little sick inside.

Being immobile has forced me to do things only when they count. I currently can only walk 5-10 minutes at a time, ideally followed by resting/sitting for an hour or so. When every step you take suddenly becomes a precious commodity, you do only what is necessary and important (gotta go to the bathroom…then heat up my lunch…grab a bottle of water…and my laptop).

But the true lesson has been in learning to rest. I don’t mean napping the day away, but gaining the ability to sit quietly, understanding the value in observing, and being content in the stillness of it all. There is a beautiful simplicity when babies can be completely enraptured by something as unassuming as an empty potato chip bag. The bright colors, the artificial smell, the crinkly sound, the way it floats briefly in the air when tossed. Little V has more fun with wrappers than the Fisher Price toys that were gifted by friends. Appreciating a potato chip bag may not add much value to my life, but seeing something through my child’s eyes certainly does.

When a stranger starts to coo at Little V, she will respond by studying the stranger’s face. I’ve often wondered what she is looking at. The eyes? The hair? And then I wonder when was the last time I really looked into someone’s eyes (not even my husband’s, I’m afraid to say). As an art graduate, I was trained to observe. Somehow, in the last decade, I’ve regressed in my ability to notice what is around me.

And so despite my recent handicap, I’d like to think I’ve gained a new gift of slowing down. It does mean fewer blog posts (for now) and more time for Little V. It means going out less and staying home more. But most importantly, to the relief of Mr. Wonderful, it will mean fewer Instagram photos of pastries and tea, and more time actually enjoying the pastries and tea (sorry honey, for all the times our drinks got cold).

Are you happy with your pace of life? Do you think it’s ever possible to “slow down” too much?