I am a little late on the Peter Pan collar trend, but when I saw this shirt hanging on the sales rack at JCrew, I couldn’t resist. Navy is usually a hard color for me to incorporate into outfits, but the pale pink collar on this top makes it easy to pair.
Today was the first day in two weeks that I actually made an effort to put together an outfit. I’ve been grabbing a top and bottom from my heap of clothes on the ground, and frankly my energy and outlook on life matched my wardrobe efforts. This doesn’t apply to everyone of course, but I know I’m not doing well when I can’t remember the last time I combed my hair or put on a little mascara. A friend came over the other day while I was working from home, took one look at me and asked, “Did you eat yet today?” (it was 4pm).
I couldn’t remember. And then it dawned on me that I had only had three crackers, and not because I was starving myself, but because it didn’t occur to me that I should sit down and have a real meal.
I needed to take care of myself.
Self care is one of those areas that can easily be pooh-poohed, and almost seen as selfish pampering. But really, what good was I to anybody these last two weeks running on almost empty? I was barely able to hold it together emotionally on a day-to-day basis, and because of that, I couldn’t be the wife, daughter and friend I wanted to be.
There is nothing like looking through the window on a plane ride that reminds you how tiny you are in the vastness of the world. Every time I see the countless rows of houses, each no bigger than an ant, I think of how each speck represents unknown stories of suffering and joy.
This past week has been an emotional tidal wave. There were so many exciting things happening in my life, but the week ended abruptly with the news of two beloved people that died in my and Mr. Wonderful’s family. Coupled with the recent tragedy in Boston (where I had spent part of my childhood), life just doesn’t seem to make much sense at times. The uncomfortable questions in life, Is there really a heaven? Is there really a hell? become weighty and scary. Most of us tend to shove the doubts aside, because it’s more convenient to do that than to dwell on an answer that is uncomfortable.
One of my favorite trends this spring is the embellished sweatshirt. As a girl who could easily lounge in pajamas all day, I am embracing this style wholeheartedly. Why wasn’t this popular when I was in 8th grade and wearing a tired gray sweatshirt with my middle school’s logo emblazoned on it to school every day? This navy version pairs easily with white skinny jeans or black leggings, but I have been feeling limited by those two options. As I stared into my closet yesterday I realized it matched quite well with my cognac suede shorts as well. A perfect way to spend a spring weekend while the weather continues to warm up.
Is it possible to be stomach-dropping-nervous twice in a week? First it was the anticipation of meeting Derek Lam, and now tomorrow I have an interview with a TV production company.
Yeah, I know, I can’t believe it either. In fact, when this company contacted me a month ago, I was sure it was a scam. It reminded me of the time when I was in sixth grade, and a popular guy at school called me over the phone and asked me out on a date. I was so sure he was playing a prank on me that I burst into tears, accused him of lying and told him it wasn’t nice to play mean jokes. It didn’t matter that he sounded sincere, that he insisted he wasn’t lying, and gave me reasons on what he liked about me. Just the day before another boy had asked me, “Do you know just how ugly you are?” and suddenly, those were all the words that mattered. I was convinced, then, that I would never be wanted. I would never be loved by anyone (except perhaps my own family).
And so when this company wrote an email saying how they found my blog, enjoyed my writing, and would be interested in interviewing me as a candidate for an upcoming TV show, my first thought was, This can’t be for real. Things like this never happen to me. They happen to other people, beautiful people, witty people, but not me. Just as I was about to trash the email, a nudging feeling made me think maybe I should check out their website, do a little research. And that’s when I realized, um, shows featured on PBS and Discovery Channel are pretty legit.